Bipolar christian.Why is it that the faith community have such a problem with these two words put in context with one another? Is there something wrong or taboo about admitting that i have a disorder that GOD has not chosen to heal me of yet?I know someday that the Lord will Choose when the time is right to heal me. It isn't that day yet.

I am so tired of hearing that I must be bipolar because of not having enough faith,not praying enough,not living right,or because of past sin.I lived a horrible excuse of a life for alot of years.I certainly have made my way down sin road. I am not on that road anymore.Being bipolar doesn't mean that i am in some way defective,or *holding back* into the sins of my past.

Being a bipolar christian isn't much different that being a diabetic christian, a cancerous christian, or a heart patient christian.when someone has diabetes and needs to take their insulin,it is because their body has a chemical malfunction. When proper diet and medication is administered they live normal lives. Is it somehow the fault of the person who has diabetes and takes proper medical and physical care of themselves that they have a chemical illness? Of course not. Would you tell them that thier faith wasn't strong enough?would you councel them to stop taking their medicine? Of course not.so why is it different when another type of chemical imbalence is occuring? Is it because the imbalence is in the brain region?maybe it is because it affects the moods?

I once attended a church when i was a newly saved christian that told me i must stop taking medication. bipolar disorder was not an actual illnessthey said,it was not healed by Jesus or mentioned in the bible. therefore it does not exist. I was also a part of a web group that counceled me to release myself from my notions of a medical disorder,because i was not sick. i had a lack of faith and needed to pray more.I took their advice. I ended up in the hospital with a comnplete breakdown for 19 days.

It is not an oxymoron to be a bipolar christian.

Here is what i have learned in many years of trial and error.You should pray more,we should pray without ceasing. Have faith,God will one day heal you.If you have access and they work for you please take the medications.Doctors where given the knowlage to heal by God from which all good comes.

I beleive that God gave me this illness to help me,not to hurt me. I am often asked to explain this statement. In all things God means you good,not harm. If satan can give me pain,then God will make it to my betterment and i know i will come out a more faithful person. The most beautiful rainbows come after the most horrendous storms.I have become a more kind,loving,understanding person through having to let myself lean on doctors,nurses,friends,family and most of all on the abundant love of God to help me when the tracks of the rollarcoaster gets me too high or too low.I do not think i would have the ability to see life as i do without Gods loving hands guiding me through the darkness of depression,or see the simpleness of quiet prayer without God holding me back when i spiral up into mania.

I have learned to thank God for the GIFT of my illness. I have come to see things in a different light. I am now studing to become a Nurse,something i was told i would never be able to as a *crazy* person.God is guiding my hands,my heart,my mind, and my life to serve him in all things.I hope to serve him in the field of Mental Health Nursing by guiding others to the wonderful gift the savior gives in peace with a mental illness.

I still have manias and depressions.  I still cry out to him in my hours of need.I am at the moment unmedicated becaue of finances,but i am doing alright because i have learned to let my prifde fall away and lean as hard as i need to on the throne of the almighty.In my life bipolar and christian are entertwined,and there is nothting wrong with that.

I heard a news story the other day I can't help but share.

I was in the car coming home with my dad from  a visit to my Grandmother.(don't ask. she told me i was fat,and wants me to cut my hair. enough said.) We turned on the radio.

We needed something to listen to because i wasn't talking to him, due to the visit he tricked me into going to.

NPR is my dads fave thing to listen to in the car. I never really pay attention until something catches my ear. today it did.

So they are trying find solutions to recouping  the monetary losses, and financial straights states are facing, due to *undocumented foreign national citizens*.

Here is what they came up with In North Carolina and Georgia.

I have worked at a few conveinece stores in these states. I know first hand that most*undocumented* people send 95% of their paychecks each week for their entire household(which may consist of upwards of 15-20 people each) back to the country they are here from illeagally.

These persons do not pay taxes on that money. Therefore they have no paper record of the amount of income the household is receiving,so they get welfare to suplement what is left of their income after send 95% of it back home in  money transfers.

Most places that hire illegals pay their workers in cash on a weekly basis.

I know this because I asked some  of those who managed to speak some broken English. Most don't bother to learn any English at all because we bend over backwards so they don't have to speak our countries native tounge. We insted learn to speak their launguage and are teaching our kids spanish at kindergarden levels so their kids don't have to learn it either to comunicate.We have special classes for them up through high school level in spanish. I have issues with this as well, but that's another post...

North Carolina and Georgia have decided to put a tax on the money transfers to other countries if a person cannot provide proof of american citizenship. 5% in Georgia and 10% in North Carolina.

GREAT JOB STATES! About time!

I have transacted more than my share of these transfers on illegal paydays. we are talking about 2500-6000 a tranfer to Mexico,Guatamala,Hondouras and Puerto Rico, amoung others PER PERSON in my long lines PER WEEK.

How much money do you think that will generate to repay the state Welfare systems? Schools? Sustidized Housing systems?

Quite a sum is my guess.

WAY TO GO NC AND GA!

Why didn't we think of this earlier?

Sibnce you have wisely shut off your messages for a while i thought i would just write one here if you choose to come by.

I understand what you are going through right now.

I just want you to kow that God is with you. Focus on him and let everyone else sit and stew for while.

Don't let some of these nasty people get you down sister.

I am praying for you daily and i know God answers my prayers for a loving heart like yours.

Keep your chin up.

I look forward to your full return to the adventures.

With all the love the Lord has given your praying sister in Christ,

~*~RED~*~

Alot has been going on here lately....

Aside from our furnace akmost blowing us sky high last week,most of it has been mundane.

Here it is 1 am and this shrill noise starts going off in the house and keeps beeping like a wail. Great, that is the carbon monoxide detector. We do a wake up dad and check it all out. The furnace won't lite so the propane is leaking into the house.

Not good.

We do a late night call and the guy says he will come in thenext day and clean the thing cause it is pronbably clogged.

We go to class and the guy comes and LETS HIMSELF IN before we get home! Just walks in the house with NO ONE HERE and goes to work.

PISSSED? You betcha.

The guy aparently used the wrong vaccum and the whole house is now covered in a couple layers of thick black soot.

Even more pissed? OH yeah.

Dad comes home,calls the companys owner and get them to come over, they in turn contact the insurance company. The service call is not free and they agree to send overservpro to clean our house. On them.

Thats more like it.

We still have black cats that used to be white.

Can't use the PC or mu printer cause they are covered in soot inside their vents and need to be cleaned too.

Is that a viable excuse for school work undone?

Didn't think so. darn.

Okay, this thing with the *GAY COWBOYS* has gone on long enough I think.

back to life as we know it.

I never in my whole life thought that my lil voiced opinion on a blog page would start so much!

wrong-o mary lou!

Anyway,snce the post I have been online,I have been commenting and reading others blogs.I haven't died and left this as my parting eulogy.

don't some people wish. I have noticed that some people have taken my blog name out of their faves list(you know who you are.)

that kinda hurts. ouch.

Hey guys! I am still here!

ANYWAY....

I have been working my perverbial toucas off at school,dealing wiht the kids,and trying to be a better person. I think i am accomploshing 2 out of the 3 nicely.

the third one is going to take some time.

I missed my first day of classes today(one class) because of a sick lil boy i call my son. after a night of puking and pooping he was NOT going to the babysitter with a group of kids to make sick or make him sicker. So, since hubby had three classes and i had the measly one math class,i was elected to remain in the house with the sick youngun.

not that i mind so much a day off to do nothing.

Question: When i had all those days to do nothing,what did i do?

I feel like i am gonna just explode! I have NOTHING TO DO!

I think i am am going to go nuts...wait. aren't i already?

yep to late,already there. what does one do if one is already nuts? where do we go after that?

I am doing a paper for my College Comp. 1 class all about death.

I am first looking at the beauty in death and the dying experience. i have been researching the joyous honor of being at the bedside of a loved one who is entering into eternity. the gift that one recieives from that experience of a bond that is never severed and the peace that can bring.

It is so peaceful to think of my own experience of my grandfather slipping out of pain and into his eternal life with Jesus free at last.I rememebrr the smile that came accross his face.I remeber his arm around me and the smell of his captains pipe tobacco swirling around me. i felt no fear for him. i felt happiness. i wish to try to express that in this paper.

 i am also looking at the other side of death.I am researching the horrors and tragadies of death occuring in the Holocaust and the terrors of the Cambodian killing feilds.

Mere words do not describe the bile that rises in me when i thinnk of these poor inocents having to leave this life without the peace they could have had after a long life well lived, about the things they must have witnessed, and the scars of those left behind to suffer for a lifetime.

 It is amazing to me the things we can do to another human being in this world in the name of what we call right.

I am not certain where this paper will take me,but i do know that it will not end with a mere paper that will be turned in.